We here at British Petroleum are gravely concerned with the unfortunate and completely unavoidable oil spill that we did not cause, and its impact on the environment. A dozen birds, a few fish, and a ball of tar or two have washed up on shore, and we understand that this might frighten any of the many surfers who are no doubt enjoying the new smooth water, through which boards can slide. In fact, world ray-ban surfing champion Klyde Danvers has recently announced that he’s had more than just a little fun in these “BPized” water.
“With these new BPized(tm) waters, I’ve been able to invent a new trick, which i call the “Clean Bird”, because it resembles any of the beautiful clean birds that live in the gulf region.”
We assure you that we have a couple of guys cleaning all this stuff up, but until then, surf’s up!
BP’s surf barbecue will be held July 4th! Be there, bring towels!
WE KNOW that this is false! Satellite images from the Greenpeace “Winking Pixie” satellite have confirmed that far from the beautiful slick surfing conditions promoted in their lying literature, there is a deficit of waves!
Wave loss has been accelerating! Waves from the Gulf of Mexico usually flow outward, towards the Atlantic, where the mid Atlantic wave vortex eats the waves and and spits out old sunken ships, as per the treaty. BUT RECENT IMAGES and computer modeling CONFIRM that waves have been flowing INTO the gulf, rather than OUT OF it. What is more, the waves are converging on a single point, directly above the BP oil leak.
Could BP have signed a treaty outside international law to feed the ocean new waves in exchange for free oil?
This is all very disturbing, but the point is, if you go to surf on July 4th, the waves will actually be leading AWAY from the beach, thus spoiling July 4th!
Spend July 4th somewhere where you’re guaranteed to have fun, not get sucked into the ocean’s mouth and turned into free oil. Try a local barbecue. Greenpeace is throwing a sombre affair in most major cities where food will be brought by procession into a central pit, then prayers will be said for the earth, and observers will shovel dirt on the food and forget they ever saw it.]]>
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For every handshake there is an equal yet opposite handshake. But for how long? At Toshiba, we’re working to solve the problems of diminishing opposite handshakes. With advancements in silicon based opposite handshakes, we hope to return top America to best.
Top America. To best.
Toshiba Communications Division, San Palo Monte Alta, Calafornia
I’m raging. Conformity with established IHSC handshake targets must be met if we’re ever going to get top best out of America tomorrow. We are borrowing handshakes from our children tomorrow America TODAY. Let’s get across the aisle and reach out an opposite handshake. When will tall government learn that endlessness has its limits?]]>