http://churchofinternet.com/w/api.php?action=feedcontributions&user=Kalgaathu&feedformat=atomSarberiankh - User contributions [en]2024-03-29T15:59:22ZUser contributionsMediaWiki 1.27.0http://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Buddies&diff=471Buddies2023-07-13T16:38:01Z<p>Kalgaathu: Created page with "[[Chobblin holding Buddy by Bruseccio]] Buddies are the product of an evolutionary dead-end. They evolved from the [[Dinos]..."</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Chobblin_holding_buddy.jpg|thumb|right|[[Chobblin]] holding Buddy by Bruseccio]]<br />
<br />
Buddies are the product of an evolutionary dead-end. They evolved from the [[Dinos]], but they changed gradually into a friendly, conveniently edible format that can be caged without regret. There are four varieties of Buddies, each with a different level of cage-guilt. In many cultures Buddies are considered friends, or at worst employees. However, they are neither. <br />
<br />
==The Four Types==<br />
[[Image: Buddy.jpg|150px|thumb|right|"Into the cage with you, my Chubby Friend." A type 1 buddy in Hand Lunch Country]]<br />
<br />
* Type 1 - Chubby Buddies<br />
* Type 2 - Neckleboys (colloq. Neck lads)<br />
* Type 4 - Squeech Lords<br />
* Type 5 - Silfrid's Subtle Nephews<br />
<br />
Type 3 has gone extinct. It is believed there has also been a type 6, but that it wasn't worth writing about when the original 5 types were written about, because they looked like the kind of thing that would go extinct.<br />
<br />
==Peppinos==<br />
[[Image: Peppino.jpg|120px|thumb|left|Awiwa, King of Peppinos]]<br />
Peppinos are similar to buddies, but they are red. <br><br><br><br><br><Br><br><br><br />
<br />
==Name==<br />
[[Image: buddies_in_council.jpg|thumb|right|Buddies In Council, back to your cages, friends.]]<br />
===Popular Etymology===<br />
'''Buddies''' has often been believed to be derived from the verb "to bundreil" meaning "to befriend" or "to enbud". First used by [[Cherry Delicious]] in her 1356 European Tour, in the song "min bunddeis gelofte tha tha swic hlahtor gebrohte" (meaning unknown, because its not in modern english and I'm not a professor.) Thus, "buddies" would simply mean "friends." However, the truth is far more complex and utterly not remotely this.<br />
<br />
===True Meaning===<br />
'''Buddies''' is actually an acronym. It means: <br />
<br />
'''B'''uddies '''U'''nder '''D'''ifferent '''D'''eplorable '''I'''nversions '''E'''xamine '''S'''oftly.<br />
<br />
===Acronym's Meaning===<br />
<br />
The foregoing acronym forms the [[Natural Acrostic]]:<br />
<br />
'''B'''read <br><br />
'''u'''lterior <br><br />
'''d'''read <br><br />
'''d'''isorder <br><br />
'''i'''n <br><br />
'''e'''xorbitant <br><br />
'''s'''upply <br><br />
<br><br />
'''u'''nkept <br><br />
'''n'''ear <br><br />
'''d'''ry <br><br />
'''e'''xternal<br> <br />
'''r'''evision <br><br />
<br><br />
'''d'''ivergence <br><br />
'''i'''nvolvement <br><br />
'''f'''renetically <br><br />
'''f'''ulminating <br><br />
'''e'''ggregious <br><br />
'''r'''ends <br><br />
'''e'''ffluently<br> <br />
'''n'''ecritizing <br><br />
'''t'''rauma <br><br />
<br><br />
'''d'''isorder <br><br />
'''e'''xamined <br><br />
'''p'''artially <br><br />
'''l'''inguistically<br> <br />
'''o'''r <br><br />
'''r'''elinguistically <br><br />
'''a'''t <br><br />
'''B'''rian's<br> <br />
'''L'''amp <br><br />
'''E'''mporium <br><br />
<br><br />
'''i'''ntensively <br><br />
'''n'''egatively <br><br />
'''v'''enerating <br><br />
'''e'''very<br><br />
'''r'''amapithecinely <br><br />
'''s'''ly, <br><br />
'''i'''ntrospective <br><br />
'''o'''nion <br><br />
'''n'''ibbling <br><br />
'''s'''uspicious <br><br />
<br><br />
'''e'''ndocrinal <br><br />
'''x'''antharian <br><br />
'''a'''pplication, <br><br />
''''m'''azingly <br><br />
'''i'''temized <br><br />
'''n'''ephrotic <br><br />
'''e'''llegant <br><br />
<br><br />
'''s'''ymbollogy <br><br />
'''o'''ffering <br><br />
'''faux''' <ref>The only known "Cambrian" acrostic instance, which takes the boldface type on the entire word, due to congenitally inseparable initial character syndrome, or B.S.V.D.</ref><br><br />
'''t'''ransient<br><br />
'''L'''impets <br><br />
'''y'''eastfully<br><br />
<br />
===Acrostic Meaning===<br />
When passed back through the [[Obsidian Flute]], the acrostic is [[dime-coded]] to reveal its true meaning, which is "friends".<br />
<br />
==Behaviour and Uses==<br />
Buddies are known for their permeating non-guilt, caused by an inverted cage-guilt genome. As a result, no good man feels guilty when caging a Buddy, or a Peppino. Instead, they feel a sense of charm and simple relaxation. Whereas, a black-hearted man, or a member of the United Villainary Council, would feel intense guilt. <br />
<br />
Buddies docility and relative delicious taste make them perfect for putting in cages, and eating on.<br />
<br />
==Notes==<br />
<references /></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=468Clarinetophone2014-01-19T01:39:04Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Sound */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetophone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[disaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite flying in a cloud of yam-juice on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapor to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==Mentions in Poop Culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it away in a gesture of great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in Pop Culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The Rhyme of the Voluntary Castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
Just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=467Clarinetophone2014-01-19T01:38:46Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetophone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[disaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite,flying in a cloud of yam-juice on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapor to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==Mentions in Poop Culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it away in a gesture of great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in Pop Culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The Rhyme of the Voluntary Castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
Just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Chobblins&diff=466Chobblins2014-01-19T01:34:14Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Chobblin_holding_buddy.jpg|thumb|right|Chobblin holding a [[Buddies|Buddy]]]]<br />
<br />
Chobblins are a race of beings that have sadly gone utterly extinct. Chobble no more, my lovely. While their origins are unknown, they have existed since the earliest civilizations, as representations of Chobblins in art have been discovered throughout archaeological sites around the globe. One of the rare references to them in inscriptions comes from the annals of King Ka'hha'lai'kh, from dynasty XXI in the Grand Old Times of the [[the Isle of the Dogs|Isle of the Dogs]]. The Beast Lord's scribes recorded "Plague of Chobblins, much death." There were also some primitive photographs so we are certain that he meant Chobblins.<br />
<br />
[[Image: Chobblin_in_repose.jpg|thumb|right|A Chobblin in Repose, ca. 543 BC, China]]<br />
<br />
==Inherent Royalty==<br />
<br />
[[Image: Chobblin_riding_slave.jpg|thumb|right|Last Chobblin Lord before death, 1967]]<br />
Chobblins were known to possess inherent royalty, being kings or queens over whatever they surveyed. They could enslave you with a lash of their long tongue, or in the case of Chinese Chobblins, with their tears. Once thus enslaved, the Chobblin climbed on you and asked you if you thought he felt heavy. It is reputed to be one of the most noble occasions in any man's life.<br />
<br />
==Dad's Hug==<br />
<br />
The Chobblin was also capable of giving you a dad's hug. Any hug by any Chobblin would have been the same as a hug by your own father, both in feeling and for tax purposes. Many people whose fathers had been deprived of arms, and who had not gone into their music room for over three weeks due to writer's block, would put down their synthesizer belts and seek out a Chobblin for a dad's hug. Because of this, during the [[famous 1980s]] (ca. 1765-1774), Chobblins earned the nickname "Little Dads to hug when you can't jam out your latest tracks".<br />
<br />
[[Image:Chobblin_chancellor.jpg|thumb|right|Chancellor Conroy in full Chobblin Regalia]]<br />
<br />
==Adoption of Dwarfs==<br />
<br />
Due to the [[Fad Lord's]] decree of New Fad, the Chobblin hordes were required to possess or create a new fad. Indefatigably, the Chobblin sages overcame their innate fadlessness to create the greatest irony ever to occur as a direct result of one of the Fad Lord's [[universal laws]]; the Chobblin's underwent a fad in which they covetously purchased [[Dwarf]] slaves. Due to the Chobblin law requiring them to preserve one another's tears in small vials, but NOT to preserve the tears of non-Chobblins, many Chobblin households were bankrupted by the employment of numerous tear-testers who would test the tears by ingesting them to see if they were Chobblin tears or dwarf tears. Since those tears were not preserved, having been ingested, tear testers were themselves ingested by tear tester ingestors. Since a double ingestion is the reverse, by [[Doublington's Law]], the revived tears are then sorted into their appropriate streams. In order to know where to sort the revived tears it was important that before the tear tester was ingested that his/her screams of protest were siphoned into a scream-eater. The scream eater's meter (a kind of meat the scream eater eats after he eats screams) produces a verification pellet in the form of a dark brown smelly log excreted from the anus. After the tear tester ingestor has ingested the tear tester, he ablutes and enters into a "bargain" with the truth pellet. Within weeks the bargain pays off, and for the price of a few meters of silk, the truth pellet has told him whether the scream of the tear tester possessed the chemical signature of the belief that the tears tested through ingestion were those of a Chobblin or those of a dwarf.<br />
<br />
Then, naturally, a [[Clean Egg]] is brought out and the portrait of an owl is dedicated to all the friends and loved ones who haven't received any encouragement in the last little while. The tears are placed in their appropriate locations, those of the Chobblin in a vial, and those of a dwarf back into the eyes of the dwarf who originally shed them. <br />
<br />
This caused considerable strife among the tear-related guilds and legions. But no one cared.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Raspivont&diff=465Raspivont2014-01-19T01:20:04Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Raspivont_size.jpg|thumb|right|Size comparison]]<br />
<br />
Raspivonts are a genus of [[creatches]] renowned worldwide for their clear speaking voices and their tolerant conception of justice. They are also formally recognized in many countries as an official language, spoken, as it were, by throwing them in a ball into the faces of restrained conversants whose cries are filtered through the writhing mass and become [[chime speak]]. <br />
<br />
==Justice==<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_court.jpg|thumb|right|The face of modern justice]]<br />
Raspivonts have been used by [[truth speakers]] and [[Lloyds of London]] since the age of the [[White Hundred]] as components in [[Galvatar]], the justice dealing poly-being formed in times of great need to combat misaligned hugs and inappropriate hand-shaking among the landed gentry. <br />
<br />
It is said that whenever raspivonts are in a courtroom that justice will be fair, mild, and moist, though this is said by sobbing children who are chained to a pipe, so its validity is questioned (though it is questioned only in Spanish and thus the validity questioning is itself called into question, as Spanish is the only language on Earth which is intrinsically invalid and which possesses no words worth speaking.)<br />
<br />
Judges allow raspivonts to possess their minds temporarily in order to error-check their rash judgments. They do this by comparing them to the slow judgments of the raspivonts, who take several decades to arrive at their conclusions. As such, it is not uncommon to see a judge or truth speaker lying motionless with "justice face" (depicted to the right) for several years. During this time the judges consume nearly 10 times as much food as normal, and have to be housed in private castles the size of ramps, or sometimes the size of wine. Otherwise they might get jam dripped on them by mistake, invalidating their commune with the raspivont and requiring a new trial to be invoked. This has caused significant strain on the economy of countries with legal systems, and has led many to entirely abandon them in favor of wiping accused people down with punitive wax, a wax so punitive that people wiped down with it feel that they've been punished enough, and frankly who could disagree?<br />
<br />
This 'justice famine' has led many to question the point of life, both verbally to friends and family and punchingly to faces and stomachs.<br />
<br />
==Raspivont Kiss==<br />
<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_kiss.jpg|thumb|right|Raspivont kissing contest]]<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's good to break up the tension of a trial with a cute kissing contest. Whoever kisses most like an owl wins! Whoever said justice wasn't adorable and did not involve replicating the behavior of owls?<br />
<br />
==Final Line==<br />
Due to the lime proclamation of Citron VI, all documents pertaining to raspivonts must contain the following 'final line.'<br />
<br />
Dnandoo, she hoth say, for bryth na'ladoon, devontay.<br />
<br />
==Hidden Fatal Line==<br />
The following line is hidden, and only visible if you are soon to die and visit the [[Three-fold Ship]]. <br />
<br />
Uh oh! You're dead!</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Three-fold_Ship&diff=464Three-fold Ship2014-01-19T00:40:23Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The Three-Fold Ship is a metaphor. A metaphor is a kind of "mind picture" which is used to relate one thing to another thing. And that has never been more the case than the case here now.<br />
<br />
==Origins==<br />
The Three-Fold Ship, or the [[Larquanus]], was first described in [[Robery Joyman]]’s [[Upwards the Dinos trilogy|Upwards the Dinos]] by [[Leptherio]], the Dinoesident of the [[Udino States of Dinmerica]]. [[Robery Joyman]]'s character, Leptherio, when reunited with the handles of Tabrush following the [[trials of the slanted branch]], revealed to his followers the ‘truth of the end of life itself.’<br />
<br />
==Background==<br />
Before the threefold ship was explained, there had been a great debate among the followers of Leptherio. The question remained unanswered as to what happened to a dinosaur, or for that matter, a man reading about dinosaurs, when he/she/it died. <br />
<br />
One group believed that the body disintegrated, releasing a bright white lamb into the forest, that was then herded by a Grultch, a large wingless bird with a large winged smile, or "flyle" (because it flies (and is a smyle)). <br />
<br />
Another school held that after death, you lived underground, upside-down, so that you stood on the ceiling, and the sky was beneath you. Of course, from your perspective, you were standing on the ground and the sky was above you, but you somehow knew you were wrong and were left with an eternally unpleasant sensation that even though you sensed one reality, everything was just slightly different. Unable to feel at ease, you lost some weight from worry, and people generally told you that you looked pretty good. <br />
<br />
And yet another school held that when you died you should try to take as many people with you as possible. It wasn't really a theory of an afterlife, but it was a good theory none the less, and attracted many enthusiastic followers.<br />
<br />
==The Teaching==<br />
When Leptherio returned from the trials of the slanted branch, he had already reunited himself with the handles of Tabrush. The handles now were quite well lubed, and they slid pleasantly over the upturned faces of the children who gleefully soaked in the oils he dribbled from his [[slank]]. He stood upon a [[Buick Skylark]] and addressed his followers, telling them how he had been, and where he had been and things of that nature. Then he told them that he had been given a revelation, through practicing [[thinkonomics]], the mental mind science. <br />
<br />
"After death, there is a three-fold ship that takes us to the afterlife. The first ship carries the man, the next ship carries the mind, and the final ship carries the yams. For he who is dead should be mourned, but should he not also be considered a great possessor of yams? Take solace in the vast barge full of yams of varying sizes, grouped into bundles and stored in crates, stacked 5 crates high. This is the afterlife, not a destination but a journey on a ship. <br />
<br />
Your mind doesn't go on the same ship as you, because it's tired of you and your friends. It goes on its own ship. Is that not meet? It is meet that the mind should have a ship, but not meet that the ship should be better or larger than the body's ship. The mind's ship is pretty small, to be honest. It's sort of rounder too, and doesn't have as many flags and poles. <br />
<br />
The third ship, as I stated, is the best one, it's the one that has all those delicious yams. You can basically NEVER eat all those yams. A friend of mine died when I was a child. I was playing in a thicket and a coiled [[Raspivont|raspivont]] snaped out and bit him on his hind legs. After a great and painful agony, he passed into the death realm. If he had an average of 10 yams a minute, 24 hours a day for the past 48 years, he would have eaten 252,453,888 yams. Trust me, that wouldn't even make a dent. Maybe if he could eat that many in one day, then sure, by now, you might notice a TINY dent in those yams. But from what I've been told, they actually restock the yam ship whenever the threefold ship stops to let you off so you can see some old statues or waterfalls and things. Actually, the first ship, the ship with the body in it, it's not that big. The mind ship is tiny. The yam ship is really the main ship. It may be, actually, that when yams die, they go to the yam ship, and then we go along to keep the yams company. Maybe ... maybe we shouldn't eat the yams. Okay, I'm done."<br />
<br />
==Analysis==<br />
Actually he basically got it spot on. There's more to it than that, obviously. For one thing, it's not a metaphor at all but should be taken literally.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Historical Perspective==<br />
This was the last speech that Leptherio made before his famous [[10 Speeches on Yams]], including the most prominent first speech [[Maybe don't eat from the Yam barge]]. Historians frequently try to make the connection between the content of the speech above and the later speeches, but historians are made of organs and fibrous tissues, suspended from brittle calcium endo-structures. They eat food and turn it into energy. Historians are just people like us. They are cave dwellers, like us.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Three-fold_Ship&diff=463Three-fold Ship2014-01-19T00:01:34Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The Three-Fold Ship is a metaphor. A metaphor is a kind of "mind picture" which is used to relate one thing to another thing. And that has never been more the case than the case here now.<br />
<br />
==Origins==<br />
The Three-Fold Ship, or the [[Larquanus]], was first described in [[Robery Joyman]]’s [[Upwards the Dinos trilogy|Upwards the Dinos]] by [[Leptherio]], the Dinoesident of the [[Udino States of Dinmerica]]. [[Robery Joyman]]'s character, Leptherio, when reunited with the handles of Tabrush after the [[trials of the slanted branch]], revealed to his followers the ‘truth of the end of life itself.’<br />
<br />
==Background==<br />
Before the threefold ship was explained, there had been a great debate among the followers of Leptherio. The question remained unanswered as to what happened to a dinosaur, or for that matter, a man reading about dinosaurs, when he/she/it died. <br />
<br />
One group believed that the body disintegrated releasing a bright white lamb into the forest, that was then herded by a Grultch, a large wingless bird with a large winged smile, or "flyle" (because it flies (and is a smyle)). <br />
<br />
Another school held that after death, you lived underground, upside-down, so that you stood on the ceiling, and the sky was beneath you. Of course, from your perspective, you were standing on the ground and the sky was above you, but you somehow knew you were wrong and were left with an eternally unpleasant sensation that even though you sensed one reality, everything was just slightly different. Unable to feel at ease, you lost some weight from worry, and people generally told you looked pretty good. <br />
<br />
And yet another school held that when you died, you should try to take as many people with you as possible. It wasn't really a theory of an afterlife, but it was a good theory none the less, and attracted many enthusiastic followers.<br />
<br />
==The Teaching==<br />
When Leptherio returned from the trials of the slanted branch, he had already reunited himself with the handles of Tabrush. The handles now were quite well lubed, and they slid pleasantly over the upturned faces of the children who gleefully soaked in the oils he dribbled from his [[slank]]. He stood upon a [[Buick Skylark]] and addressed his followers, telling them how he had been, and where he had been and things of that nature. Then he told them that he had been given a revelation, through practicing [[thinkonomics]], the mental mind science. <br />
<br />
"After death, there is a three-fold ship that takes us to the afterlife. The first ship carries the man, the next ship carries the mind, and the final ship carries the yams. For he who is dead should be mourned, but should he not also be considered a great possessor of yams? Take solace in the vast barge full of yams of varying sizes, grouped into bundles and stored in crates, stacked 5 crates high. This is the afterlife, not a destination but a journey on a ship. <br />
<br />
Your mind doesn't go on the same ship as you, because it's tired of you and your friends. It goes on its own ship. Is that not meet? It is meet that the mind should have a ship, but not meet that the ship should be better or larger than the body's ship. The mind's ship is pretty small, to be honest. It's sort of rounder too, and doesn't have as many flags and poles. <br />
<br />
The third ship, as I stated, is the best one, it's the one that has all those delicious yams. You can basically NEVER eat all those yams. A friend of mine died when I was a child. I was playing in a thicket and a coiled [[Raspivont]] snaped out and bit him on his hind legs. After a great and painful agony, he passed into the death realm. If he had an average of 10 yams a minute, 24 hours a day for the past 48 years, he would have eaten 252,453,888 yams. Trust me, that wouldn't even make a dent. Maybe if he could eat that many in one day, then sure, by now, you might notice a TINY dent in those yams. But from what I've been told, they actually restock the yam ship whenever the threefold ship stops to let you off so you can see some old statues or waterfalls and things. Actually, the first ship, the ship with the body in it, it's not that big. The mind ship is tiny. The yam ship is really the main ship. It may be, actually, that when yams die, they go to the yam ship, and then we go along to keep the yams company. Maybe ... maybe we shouldn't eat the yams. Okay, I'm done."<br />
<br />
==Analysis==<br />
Actually he basically got it spot on. There's more to it than that, obviously. For one thing, it's not a metaphor at all but should be taken literally.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Historical Perspective==<br />
This was the last speech that Leptherio made before his famous [[10 Speeches on Yams]], including the most prominent first speech [[Maybe don't eat from the Yam barge]]. Historians frequently try to make the connection between the content of the speech above and the later speeches, but historians are made of organs and fibrous tissues, suspended from brittle calcium endo-structures. They eat food and turn it into energy. Historians are just people like us. They are cave dwellers, like us.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Three-fold_Ship&diff=462Three-fold Ship2014-01-19T00:01:00Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The Three-Fold Ship is a metaphor. A metaphor is a kind of "mind picture" which is used to relate one thing to another thing. And that has never been more the case than the case here now.<br />
<br />
==Origins==<br />
The Three-Fold Ship, or the [[Larquanus]], was first described in [[Robery Joyman]]’s [[Upwards the Dinos trilogy|Upwards the Dinos]] by [[Leptherio]], the Dinoesident of the [[Udino States of Dinmerica]]. [[Robery Joyman]]'s character, Leptherio, when reunited with the handles of Tabrush after the [[trials of the slanted branch]], revealed to his followers the ‘truth of the end of life itself.’<br />
<br />
==Background==<br />
Before the threefold ship was explained, there had been a great debate among the followers of Leptherio. The question remained unanswered as to what happened to a dinosaur, or for that matter, a man reading about dinosaurs, when he/she/it died. <br />
One group believed that the body disintegrated releasing a bright white lamb into the forest, that was then herded by a Grultch, a large wingless bird with a large winged smile, or "flyle" (because it flies (and is a smyle)). <br />
Another school held that after death, you lived underground, upside-down, so that you stood on the ceiling, and the sky was beneath you. Of course, from your perspective, you were standing on the ground and the sky was above you, but you somehow knew you were wrong and were left with an eternally unpleasant sensation that even though you sensed one reality, everything was just slightly different. Unable to feel at ease, you lost some weight from worry, and people generally told you looked pretty good. <br />
And yet another school held that when you died, you should try to take as many people with you as possible. It wasn't really a theory of an afterlife, but it was a good theory none the less, and attracted many enthusiastic followers.<br />
<br />
==The Teaching==<br />
When Leptherio returned from the trials of the slanted branch, he had already reunited himself with the handles of Tabrush. The handles now were quite well lubed, and they slid pleasantly over the upturned faces of the children who gleefully soaked in the oils he dribbled from his [[slank]]. He stood upon a [[Buick Skylark]] and addressed his followers, telling them how he had been, and where he had been and things of that nature. Then he told them that he had been given a revelation, through practicing [[thinkonomics]], the mental mind science. <br />
<br />
"After death, there is a three-fold ship that takes us to the afterlife. The first ship carries the man, the next ship carries the mind, and the final ship carries the yams. For he who is dead should be mourned, but should he not also be considered a great possessor of yams? Take solace in the vast barge full of yams of varying sizes, grouped into bundles and stored in crates, stacked 5 crates high. This is the afterlife, not a destination but a journey on a ship. <br />
Your mind doesn't go on the same ship as you, because it's tired of you and your friends. It goes on its own ship. Is that not meet? It is meet that the mind should have a ship, but not meet that the ship should be better or larger than the body's ship. The mind's ship is pretty small, to be honest. It's sort of rounder too, and doesn't have as many flags and poles. <br />
The third ship, as I stated, is the best one, it's the one that has all those delicious yams. You can basically NEVER eat all those yams. A friend of mine died when I was a child. I was playing in a thicket and a coiled [[Raspivont]] snaped out and bit him on his hind legs. After a great and painful agony, he passed into the death realm. If he had an average of 10 yams a minute, 24 hours a day for the past 48 years, he would have eaten 252,453,888 yams. Trust me, that wouldn't even make a dent. Maybe if he could eat that many in one day, then sure, by now, you might notice a TINY dent in those yams. But from what I've been told, they actually restock the yam ship whenever the threefold ship stops to let you off so you can see some old statues or waterfalls and things. Actually, the first ship, the ship with the body in it, it's not that big. The mind ship is tiny. The yam ship is really the main ship. It may be, actually, that when yams die, they go to the yam ship, and then we go along to keep the yams company. Maybe ... maybe we shouldn't eat the yams. Okay, I'm done."<br />
<br />
==Analysis==<br />
Actually he basically got it spot on. There's more to it than that, obviously. For one thing, it's not a metaphor at all but should be taken literally.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Historical Perspective==<br />
This was the last speech that Leptherio made before his famous [[10 Speeches on Yams]], including the most prominent first speech [[Maybe don't eat from the Yam barge]]. Historians frequently try to make the connection between the content of the speech above and the later speeches, but historians are made of organs and fibrous tissues, suspended from brittle calcium endo-structures. They eat food and turn it into energy. Historians are just people like us. They are cave dwellers, like us.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Chobblins&diff=461Chobblins2014-01-18T23:52:44Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Chobblin_holding_buddy.jpg|thumb|right|Chobblin holding a [[Buddies|Buddy]]]]<br />
<br />
Chobblins are a race of beings that have sadly gone utterly extinct. Chobble no more, my lovely. Their origins are unknown, however, they have existed since the earliest civilizations, as representations of Chobblins in art have been discovered throughout the archeological sites around the globe. One of the rare references to them in inscriptions comes from the annals of King Ka'hha'lai'kh, from dynasty XXI in the Grand Old Times of the [[the Isle of the Dogs|Isle of the Dogs]]. The beast lord's scribes recorded "Plague of Chobblins, much death." There were also some primitive photographs so we are certain that he meant Chobblins.<br />
<br />
[[Image: Chobblin_in_repose.jpg|thumb|right|A Chobblin in Repose, ca. 543 BC, China]]<br />
<br />
==Inherent Royalty==<br />
<br />
[[Image: Chobblin_riding_slave.jpg|thumb|right|Last Chobblin Lord before death, 1967]]<br />
Chobblins were known to possess inherent royalty, being kings or queens over whatever they surveyed. They could enslave you with a lash of their long tongue, or in the case of Chinese Chobblins, with their tears. Once thus enslaved, the Chobblin climbed on you and asked you if you thought he felt heavy. It is reputed to be one of the most noble occasions in any man's life.<br />
<br />
==Dad's Hug==<br />
<br />
The Chobblin was also capable of giving you a dad's hug. Any hug by any Chobblin would have been the same as a hug by your own father, in feeling, and for tax purposes. Many people whose fathers had been deprived of arms, and who had not gone into their music room for over three weeks due to writer's block, would put down their synthesizer belts and seek out a Chobblin, for a dad's hug. Because of this, during the [[famous 1980s]] (ca. 1765-1774), Chobblins earned the nickname "Little Dads to hug when you can't jam out your latest tracks".<br />
<br />
[[Image:Chobblin_chancellor.jpg|thumb|right|Chancellor Conroy in full Chobblin Regalia]]<br />
<br />
==Adoption of Dwarfs==<br />
<br />
Due to the [[Fad Lord's]] decree of New Fad, the Chobblin hordes were required to possess or create a new fad. Indefatigably, the Chobblin sages overcame their innate fadlessness to create the greatest irony ever to occur as a direct result of one of the Fad Lord's [[universal laws]], the Chobblin's underwent a fad in which they covetously purchased [[Dwarf]] slaves. Due to the Chobblin law requiring them to preserve one another's tears in small vials, but NOT to preserve the tears of non Chobblins, many Chobblin households were bankrupted by the employment of numerous tear-testers, who would test the tears by ingesting them, to see if they were Chobblin tears, or dwarf tears. Since those tears were not preserved, having been ingested, tear testers were themselves ingested, by tear tester ingestors. Since a double ingestion is the reverse, by [[Doublington's Law]], the revived tears are then sorted into their appropriate streams. IN order to know where to sort the revived tears, before being ingested, the tear tester's screams of protest were syphoned into a scream-eater. The scream eater's meter (a kind of Meat the scream eater eats after he eats screams) produces a verification pellet, a dark brown smelly log excreted from the anus. After the tear tester ingestor has ingested the tear tester, he ablutes and enters into a "bargain" with the truth pellet. Within weeks, the bargain pays off, and for the price of a few meters of silk, the truth pellet has told him whether the scream of the tear tester possessed the chemical signature of the belief that the tears tested through ingestion were those of a Chobblin, or those of a dwarf.<br />
<br />
Then, naturally, a Clean Egg is brought out and the portrait of an owl is dedicated to all the friends and loved ones who haven't received any encouragement in the last little while. The tears are placed in their appropriate locations, those of the Chobblin in a vial, and those of a dwarf back into the eyes of the dwarf who originally shed them. <br />
<br />
This caused considerable strife among the tear-related guilds and legions. But no one cared.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Raspivont&diff=460Raspivont2014-01-18T23:48:47Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Raspivont_size.jpg|thumb|right|Size comparison]]<br />
<br />
Raspivonts are a genus of [[creatches]] renowned worldwide for their clear speaking voices and their tolerant conception of justice. They are also formally recognized in many countries as an official language, spoken, as it were, by throwing them in a ball into the faces of restrained conversants, whose cries are filtered through the writhing mass and become [[chime speak]]. <br />
<br />
==Justice==<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_court.jpg|thumb|right|The face of modern justice]]<br />
Raspivonts have been used by [[truth speakers]] and [[Lloyds of London]] since the age of the [[White Hundred]] as components in [[Galvatar]], the justice dealing poly-being formed in times of great need to combat misaligned hugs and inappropriate hand-shaking among the landed gentry. <br />
<br />
It is said that whenever raspivonts are in a courtroom, justice will be fair, mild, and moist, though this is said by sobbing children who are chained to a pipe, so its validity is questioned (though only in Spanish, and thus, the validity questioning is itself called into question, as Spanish is the only language on earth which is intrinsically invalid, and which possesses no words worth speaking.)<br />
<br />
Judges allow raspivonts to possess their minds temporarily to error check their rash judgments against the slow judgments of the raspivonts, who take several decades to arrive at their conclusions. As such, it is not uncommon to see a judge or truth speaker lying motionless with "justice face", depicted to the right, for several years. During this time, the judges consume nearly 10 times the food as normal, and have to be housed in private castles the size of ramps, or sometimes the size of wine ,otherwise they might get jam dripped on them by mistake, invalidating their commune with the raspivont and requiring a new trial to be invoked. This has caused significant strain on the economy of countries with legal systems, and has led many to entirely abandon them in favor of wiping accused people down with punitive wax, a wax so punitive that people wiped down with it feel that they've been punished enough, and frankly who could disagree?<br />
<br />
This 'justice famine' has led many to question the point of life, both verbally to friends and family, and punchingly to faces and stomachs.<br />
<br />
==Raspivont Kiss==<br />
<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_kiss.jpg|thumb|right|Raspivont kissing contest]]<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's good to break up the tension of a trial with a cute kissing contest. Whoever kisses most like an owl wins! Whoever said justice wasn't adorable and did not involve replicating the behavior of owls?<br />
<br />
==Final Line==<br />
Due to the lime proclamation of Citron VI, all documents pertaining to raspivonts must contain the following 'final line.'<br />
<br />
Dnandoo, she hoth say, for bryth na'ladoon, devontay.<br />
<br />
==Hidden Fatal Line==<br />
The following line is hidden, and only visible if you are soon to die and visit the [[Three-fold Ship]]. <br />
<br />
Uh oh! You're dead!</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Raspivont&diff=459Raspivont2014-01-18T23:48:00Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Raspivont_size.jpg|thumb|right|Size Comparison]]<br />
<br />
Raspivonts are a genus of [[creatches]] renowned worldwide for their clear speaking voices and their tolerant conception of justice. They are also formally recognized in many countries as an official language, spoken, as it were, by throwing them in a ball into the faces of restrained conversants, whose cries are filtered through the writhing mass and become [[chime speak]]. <br />
<br />
==Justice==<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_court.jpg|thumb|right|The face of modern justice]]<br />
Raspivonts have been used by [[truth speakers]] and [[Lloyds of London]] since the age of the [[White Hundred]] as components in [[Galvatar]], the justice dealing poly-being formed in times of great need to combat misaligned hugs and inappropriate hand-shaking among the landed gentry. <br />
<br />
It is said that whenever raspivonts are in a courtroom, justice will be fair, mild, and moist, though this is said by sobbing children who are chained to a pipe, so its validity is questioned (though only in Spanish, and thus, the validity questioning is itself called into question, as Spanish is the only language on earth which is intrinsically invalid, and which possesses no words worth speaking.)<br />
<br />
Judges allow raspivonts to possess their minds temporarily to error check their rash judgments against the slow judgments of the raspivonts, who take several decades to arrive at their conclusions. As such, it is not uncommon to see a judge or truth speaker lying motionless with "justice face", depicted to the right, for several years. During this time, the judges consume nearly 10 times the food as normal, and have to be housed in private castles the size of ramps, or sometimes the size of wine ,otherwise they might get jam dripped on them by mistake, invalidating their commune with the raspivont and requiring a new trial to be invoked. This has caused significant strain on the economy of countries with legal systems, and has led many to entirely abandon them in favor of wiping accused people down with punitive wax, a wax so punitive that people wiped down with it feel that they've been punished enough, and frankly who could disagree?<br />
<br />
This 'justice famine' has led many to question the point of life, both verbally to friends and family, and punchingly to faces and stomachs.<br />
<br />
==Raspivont Kiss==<br />
<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_kiss.jpg|thumb|right|Raspivont Kissing Contest]]<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's good to break up the tension of a trial with a cute kissing contest. Whoever kisses most like an owl wins! Whoever said justice wasn't adorable and did not involve replicating the behavior of owls?<br />
<br />
==Final Line==<br />
Due to the lime proclamation of Citron VI, all documents pertaining to raspivonts must contain the following 'final line.'<br />
<br />
Dnandoo, she hoth say, for bryth na'ladoon, devontay.<br />
<br />
==Hidden Fatal Line==<br />
The following line is hidden, and only visible if you are soon to die and visit the [[Three-fold Ship]]. <br />
<br />
Uh oh! You're dead!</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=458Clarinetophone2014-01-18T23:45:01Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetophone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[disaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapor to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==Mentions in Poop Culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it away in a gesture of great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in Pop Culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The Rhyme of the Voluntary Castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
Just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=457Clarinetophone2014-01-18T23:43:20Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetophone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[disaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapor to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The Rhyme of the Voluntary Castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
Just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Three-fold_Ship&diff=456Three-fold Ship2014-01-16T18:42:32Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The Three-Fold Ship is a metaphor. A metaphor is a kind of "mind picture" which is used to relate one thing to another thing. And that has never been more the case than the case here now.<br />
<br />
==Origins==<br />
The Three-Fold Ship, or the [[Larquanus]], was first described by [[Leptherio]], the Dinoesident of the [[Udino States of Dinmericadino]]. [[Robery Joyman]]'s character, Leptherio, when reunited with the handles of Tabrush after the [[trials of the slanted branch]], revealed to his followers the truth of the end of life itself.<br />
<br />
==background==<br />
Before the threefold ship was explained, there had been a great debate among the followers of Leptherio. THe question remained unanswered as to what happened to a dinosaur, or for that matter, a man reading about dinosaurs, when he/she/it died. One group believed that the body disintegrated releasing a bright white lamb into the forest, that was then herded by a Grultch, a large wingless bird with a large winged smile, or "flyle" (because it flies). Another school held that after death, you lived underground, upside-down, so that you stood on the ceiling, and the sky was beneath you. Of course, from your perspective, you were standing on the ground and the sky was above you, but you somehow knew you were wrong and were left with an eternally unpleasant sensation that even though you sensed one reality, everything was just slightly different. Unable to feel at ease, you lost some weight from worry, and people generally told you looked pretty good. And yet another school held that when you died, you should try to take as many people with you as possible. It wasn't really a theory of an afterlife, but it was a good theory none the less, and attracted many enthusiastic followers.<br />
<br />
==The teaching==<br />
When Leptherio returned from the trials of the slanted branch, he had already reunited himself with the handles of Tabrush. The handles now were quite well lubed, and they slid pleasantly over the upturned faces of the children who gleefully soaked in the oils he dribbled from his [[slank]]. He stood upon a [[Buick Skylark]] and addressed his followers, telling them how he had been, and where he had been and things of that nature. Then he told them that he had been given a revelation, through practicing [[thinkonomics]], the mental mind science. <br />
<br />
"After death, there is a three-fold ship that takes us to the afterlife. The first ship carries the man. The next ship carries the mind. And the final ship carries the yams. For he who is dead should be mourned, but should he not also be considered a great possessor of yams? Take solace in the vast barge full of yams of varying sizes, grouped into bundles and stored in crates, stacked 5 crates high. This is the afterlife, not a destination but a journey on a ship. Your mind doesn't go on the same ship as you, because it's tired of you and your friends. It goes on its own ship. Is that not meet? It is meet that the mind should have a ship, but not meet that the ship should be better or larger than the body's ship. The mind's ship is pretty small, to be honest. It's sort of rounder too, and doesn't have as many flags and poles. The third ship, as I stated, is the best one, it's the one that has all those delicious yams. You can basically NEVER eat all those yams. A friend of mine died when I was a child. I was playing in a thicket and a coiled [[Raspivont]] snaped out and bit him on his hind legs. After a great and painful agony, he passed into the death realm. If he had an average of 10 yams a minute, 24 hours a day for the past 48 years, he would have eaten 252,453,888 yams. Trust me, that wouldn't even make a dent. Maybe if he could eat that many in one day, then sure, by now, you might notice a TINY dent in those yams. But from what I've been told, they actually restock the yam ship whenever the threefold ship stops to let you off so you can see some old statues or waterfalls and things. Actually, the first ship, the ship with the body in it, it's not that big. The mind ship is tiny. The yam ship is really the main ship. It may be, actually, that when yams die, they go to the yam ship, and then we go along to keep the yams company. Maybe ... maybe we shouldn't eat the yams. Okay, I'm done."<br />
<br />
==Analysis==<br />
Actually he basically got it spot on. There's more to it than that, obviously. For one thing, it's not a metaphor at all but should be taken literally.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Historical Perspective==<br />
This was the last speech that Leptherio made before his famous [[10 Speeches on Yams]], including the most prominent first speech [[Maybe don't eat from the Yam barge]]. Historians frequently try to make the connection between the content of the speech above and the later speeches, but historians are made of organs and fibrous tissues, suspended from brittle calcium endo-structures. They eat food and turn it into energy. Historians are just people like us. They are cave dwellers, like us.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Raspivont&diff=455Raspivont2014-01-16T01:42:49Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Justice */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Raspivont_size.jpg|thumb|right|Size Comparison]]<br />
<br />
Raspivonts are a genus of [[creatches]] renowned world wide for their clear speaking voices and their tolerant conception of justice. They are also formally recognized in many countries as an official language, spoken, as it were, by throwing them in a ball into the faces of restrained conversants, whose cries are filtered through the writhing mass and become [[chime speak]]. <br />
<br />
==Justice==<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_court.jpg|thumb|right|The face of modern justice]]<br />
Raspivonts have been used by [[truth speakers]] and [[Lloyds of London]] since the age of the [[White Hundred]] as components in [[Galvatar]], the justice dealing poly-being formed in times of great need to combat misaligned hugs and inappropriate hand-shaking among the landed gentry. <br />
<br />
It is said that whenever Raspivonts are in a courtroom, justice will be fair, mild, and moist, though this is said by sobbing children who are chained to a pipe, so its validity is questioned (though only in Spanish, and thus, the validity questioning is itself called into question, as Spanish is the only language on earth which is intrinsically invalid, and which possesses no words worth speaking.)<br />
<br />
Judges allow raspivonts to possess their minds temporarily to error check their rash judgements against the slow judgements of the raspivonts, who take several decades to arrive at their conclusions. As such, it is not uncommon to see a judge or truth speaker lying motionless with "justice face", depicted to the right, for several years. During this time, the judges consume nearly 10 times the food as normal, and have to be housed in private castles the size of ramps, or sometimes the size of wine ,otherwise they might get jam dripped on them by mistake, invalidating their commune with the raspivont and requiring a new trial to be invoked. This has caused significant strain on the economy of countries with legal systems, and has led many to entirely abandon them in favor of wiping accused people down with punitive wax, a wax so punitive that people wiped down with it feel that they've been punished enough, and frankly who could disagree?<br />
<br />
This 'justice famine' has led many to question the point of life, both verbally to friends and family, and punchingly to faces and stomachs.<br />
<br />
==Raspivont Kiss==<br />
<br />
[[Image:Raspivont_kiss.jpg|thumb|right|Raspivont Kissing Contest]]<br />
<br />
Sometimes it's good to break up the tension of a trial with a cute kissing contest. Whoever kisses most like an owl wins! Whoever said justice wasn't adorable and did not involve replicating the behaviour of owls?<br />
<br />
==Final Line==<br />
Due to the lime proclamation of Citron VI, all documents pertaining to raspivonts must contain the following 'final line.'<br />
<br />
Dnandoo, she hoth say, for bryth na'ladoon, devontay.<br />
<br />
==Hidden Fatal Line==<br />
The following line is hidden, and only visible if you are soon to die and visit the [[Three-fold Ship]]. <br />
<br />
Uh oh! You're dead!</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=454Clarinetophone2014-01-14T18:55:30Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Mentions in pop culture */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
Just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=453Clarinetophone2014-01-14T18:54:08Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* The player */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
Likewise, the clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. In fact, the sounds heard comes out of the owner's face and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man-shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=452Clarinetophone2014-01-14T18:53:04Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* The player */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianoroid Hordes. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
likewise, the Clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. infact, the sounds heard come out of the owner's face, and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Robery_Joyman&diff=451Robery Joyman2014-01-14T18:43:07Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Upwards the Dinos */</p>
<hr />
<div>Author of the [[Upwards the Dinos trilogy|Dinosauriad trilogy]], he first [[fediliated]] [[Kalgaathu]]. <br />
<br />
==Major Works==<br />
===Upwards the Dinos===<br />
His first major work was "[[Upwards the Dinos trilogy|Upwards the Dinos]]", a speculative yet prophetic work about the idea that Dinosaurs might have jobs like we had, like for instance that they might be [[Accountants]]. However, they would be called [[Dinocountants]], and would be paid only a 2/3 rate of what contemporary accountants earn (ca. 1927), due to dinosaur currency being more valuable than our own. It also supposed that maybe dinosaurs were capable of great heroism, as evinced by its hero, [[Tyson]], the son of a Dinolice-man and a Dinoighschool Teacher.<br />
<br />
He followed that with two more books, one about a dinosaur who falls in love with a different kind of dinosaur and their love breaks the majority of known boundaries, including the boundary of propriety (perhaps mainly the boundary of propriety). The third and final work in the trilogy was called simply "Booby-trapped Cube Prison". It was his most stark work, and dealt with a bunch of dinosaurs who wake up to find themselves in a cubical room full of booby-traps, no idea where their wallets are, and only enough "get out of Cube prison" cards for most of them. The work reaches a powerful frenzy of dinosaur philosophy as they find their wallets in a little grey bag.<br />
<br />
===Thinkonomics===<br />
[[Thinkconomics]] is a brilliant work of human observation, elucidating the mental science of [[Mindology]], in a neat, three act dinosaur piracy tale of morality and discovering a moon where dreams (and nightmares) come true! This forms the basis of most of what we do to other people.<br />
<br />
[[Category:Biography]]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Natural_Acrostic&diff=450Natural Acrostic2014-01-14T18:37:29Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Natural Acrostics In Popular Culture */</p>
<hr />
<div>The philosopher [[Mister Plato]] first observed that some acronym form regular acrostics without any application of imagination or intent. Later, a kind of raspberry gun was invented that, when fired at an acronym, would reveal whether the acronym formed an acrostic on its own. This method was later refined, when the raspberries were eaten by [[Jalushnak the Time-Man]], who realized that simply by asking his inner [[branial cranius]] he was able to guess whether an acronym formed an acrostic, and then, to write it out. <br />
<br />
<br />
==Famous Natural Acrostics==<br />
[[Buddies]] forms an acronym which forms a natural acrostic (no. 37).<br />
<br />
==Natural Acrostics In Popular Culture==<br />
The film "Brian: Watersports Manager" follows the ratio of acrostics to natural acrostics in its directing style (infinity:56). Director Handosius Melgrave stated that he was "satisfied" to have been caught utilizing the forbidden ratio, and would pursue no "vengeful stunts of violences" against the journalism-men who first discovered the use.<br />
<br />
==Natural Acrostics In Popular Menus==<br />
To this day, the fifty-six known naturally occuring acrostics form the basis for [[Quasar's Menu]], the universe's least satisfying document.<br />
<br />
==Comparison to the Natural Logorith==<br />
These two are the same thing. <ref>http://www.google.com/samething.php</ref><br />
<br />
==References==<br />
<references /></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Cherry_Delicious&diff=449Cherry Delicious2014-01-14T18:35:30Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Taking of the Mantle from Peppin the Wind Hunter */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Cherry.jpg|thumb|right|Marlon Brando portraying Cherry Delicious in Steve Speilberg's "Cherry's On Top"]]<br />
<br />
Cherry Delicious of Worms was a famous female Cleric of the 14th century. She was the spawn of Mint (nee Ecklers) and Raspberry Delicious, a famous husband and wife [[multi-Bishop]] in the then popular [[Chrispianical]] religion.<br />
<br />
==Biography==<br />
===Birth and Early Racing Career===<br />
Born in 1302a and again in 1302b, Cherry rose to prominance at the 1304 Baby's Grand Council of Worms, by outpacing Tomothy Edelstein and Dwayne X in the "thought games" race, 3 laps around a mud track with various hazards and protruding beams of ash and pine randomly ejected at the racers to try to tip them into the yucky slime pit. <br />
<br />
Based on this early fame, her parents toured her around the European Baby circuit, where Moustachiard LeMantleford was said to have exclaimed "Cherry Delicious is a good baby!"<br />
<br />
===Adultion and Proctitution===<br />
As Cherry constructed her full sized adult body, it was rapidly discerned by [[Occulont]], the all-seeing eye of [[Zeb]], that Cherry was developing masculine features. In her adultion, she appeared to be a Man, who was said to look like Marlon Brando might look one day.<br />
<br />
In order to "tell" if Cherry had become a Man or not, she was probed with the [[Urproct]], the first proctologist from which all other proctologists were derived. When it was discovered that, while masculine, no prostate was present, it was decided by Raspberry that Cherry must undergo Proctitution until any remaining non-prostate was removed and replaced by either a prostate or a stone that had a prostate painted on it.<br />
<br />
Eventually, everything was fine. <ref> Or finely ground up into a powder. Regardless of which, eventually everything was "something".</ref><br />
<br />
===Taking of the Mantle from Peppin the Wind Hunter===<br />
<br />
Once she was enproculated, she was allowed to enter the Montastulary where you could become either a Monk or a Priest. She chose priest, and generally excelled at learning the triangles. However, on graduation day she was not allowed to don the mantle of the priesthood, because it had been taken by Peppin the Wind Hunter as he breezed through town!<br />
<br />
This was her first test, and she went about it with alacrity, copying old books with stylized writing and contemplating things for many days. Eventually, she sent a letter to the [[Pope]], and he declared the Wind Hunter not to exist, making it true, due to the infallibility potion the pope had drunk by accident in his childhood, giving him super strength and an infallible declarative streak unrivaled in edict history. <br />
<br />
The mantle then appeared before her in a [[hallucination|waking dream]] and told her that because of her abuse of the [[infallibility paradox]], she would forever suffer from migraine weddings, and syrupy tinnitus. She reached up and grabbed the mantle, donning it ponst herself, declaring herself Cherry Delicious: [[Priest Chrispanical]].<br />
<br />
===Sunday July 5, 1320===<br />
An unremarkable sunday.<br />
<br />
===Grand Tour===<br />
<br />
===Notes===<br />
<references /></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Blow,_ye_winds&diff=446Blow, ye winds2014-01-14T18:26:32Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The great [[Khafebz]] of Irasia wrote the first of nearly seven drums full of [[invitational epics]].<br />
<br />
The first six hundred cantos deal with the protagonist, Ibn Tarq'liguliaguinio (Irasian for Mouthstache), and his attempt to arrive at a party. The second six hundred cantos deal with the best route to arrive at the party and avoid difficulties on the road. The climax comes when the poet ultimately invites you, the reader/listener/conveyant to the party. It all takes place encoded as a semi-trumpet metaphor, and the listener is meant to imply to the speaker that he understands what is going on with a series of kisses and superficial wounds.<br />
<br />
=Notable Quotes=<br />
<br />
"Blow, ye winds, through the trumpestuous buunal instrument. Blow, ye winds, and I'm actually having some friends over this weekend. Bring Your Own B. " Canto XXXXXXXX Alpha.<br />
<br />
"And the channels of life, like mighty Briabon river flows, <br />
shall diverted be through the fingervalves, and valven fingerblows, <br />
but I'm not sure we have enough ice, a tunefull soul in empassioned throes, <br />
do you think you could possibly pick up some ice on the way over?" - 7th Un-Canto XX.3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Blow,_ye_winds&diff=445Blow, ye winds2014-01-14T18:26:16Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>The great [[Khafebz]] of Irasia wrote the first of nearly seven drums full of [[invitational epics]].<br />
<br />
The first six hundred cantos deal with the protagonist, Ibn Tarq'liguliaguinio (Irasian for Mouthstache), and his attempt to arrive at a party. The second six hundred cantos deal with the best route to arrive at the party and avoid difficulties on the road. THe climax comes when the poet ultimately invites you, the reader/listener/conveyant to the party. It all takes place encoded as a semi-trumpet metaphor, and the listener is meant to imply to the speaker that he understands what is going on with a series of kisses and superficial wounds.<br />
<br />
=Notable Quotes=<br />
<br />
"Blow, ye winds, through the trumpestuous buunal instrument. Blow, ye winds, and I'm actually having some friends over this weekend. Bring Your Own B. " Canto XXXXXXXX Alpha.<br />
<br />
"And the channels of life, like mighty Briabon river flows, <br />
shall diverted be through the fingervalves, and valven fingerblows, <br />
but I'm not sure we have enough ice, a tunefull soul in empassioned throes, <br />
do you think you could possibly pick up some ice on the way over?" - 7th Un-Canto XX.3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mister_Shakespeare&diff=444Mister Shakespeare2013-06-04T19:14:42Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Two bananas rule */</p>
<hr />
<div>Author of many plays and hyper-metadramas, such as the one you are acting in right now, portraying the character "reader of Wiki." You were cast years before you were born, and were fertilized and gestated for this specific purpose. Celebrate the mystery that is Mister Shakespeare with me, by calling 1-532-238-3429 ext. 39 and saying "it's always a good time for Mystery on 106.4 FM!"<br />
<br />
==Critical Analysis==<br />
Mister Shakespeare took a lot of time when writing or absorbing his work to ask and answer very key questoins to the discourse of his age. One question that crops up again and again is "What if a lizard got giant and attacked us?" Which seemed to occupy most of the last 80 years of his brief 90 year life. <br />
<br />
His works follow a strict "5 Hellos" model of Drama popularized first by [[Tree Man]], the greatest Dramatist immediately preceding Mister Shakespeare.<br />
<br />
===5 Hellos===<br />
====Hello 1====<br />
Either<br />
*hello<br />
*hello there<br />
*hello-t'meet you<br />
====Hello 2====<br />
choosing 2, but not 3 of the following choices<br />
*Heldebaran<br />
*Hellodyoudo?<br />
*Hey<br />
*Oh Hi There<br />
====Hello 3====<br />
Any one of <br />
*Heldalibur in the Greeting Stone<br />
*Greetarchus of Hellopolis<br />
*Hellopuliaria (contracted by the character)<br />
*Grey Faded Rags formed not out of cloth but of words, upon first meeting somone<br />
*The sound of wires<br />
====Hello 4====<br />
All of<br />
*Habyagan<br />
*Haldo<br />
*Apterian's Subtle Wilderness Howdy<br />
*(whispered) Heyvya'do there?<br />
====Hello 5====<br />
*Hellyalater<br />
*Helbye!<br />
*Greet to meet you, gottallo!<br />
*May the rivers converge to forge a torrid stream, engendering life in the loam.<br />
<br />
This is how plays are written, my friend.<br />
<br />
==Authorship Controversy==<br />
Mister Shakespeare's works were originally not written by him, but were later transposed onto his person by the Ghost of Christmas Platinum collection: Gold Edition after learning that the true meaning of Christmas was fading in and out of sync with reality and being, for a time, transparent to terrified onlookers.<br />
<br />
Since that time, all works attributed to Mister Shakespeare become written by him retroactively through a process of faith and expressive but violent mimes. <br />
<br />
==Two bananas rule==<br />
The [[Two Bananas|two bananas]] rule, proclaimed by [[Lord Byron]] from his dark spire of [[Thingolion]], may have been first discovered by Mister Shakespeare in his [[Shrieking Tapestry]] "Rotario Part 1 the 4th." [[Scholardi]] points to lines such as <br />
<blockquote> "And yet thy lips are dangle-flaps<br> <br />
trapping lads of fruitmeat, independent<br><br />
flesh-robes hiding toothcarls, the bone cohort<br><br />
that through hostility can break the back<br><br />
of Banyananas beige, flutey fruitpods,<br><br />
bishopfingers. But now where hast thou piped,<br><br />
longyellow, whither thou Banyananas?<br><br />
Solitary gut guest, occupantal <br><br />
mashed habitant, mateless, to wander down<br><br />
and alone in oceans galling to drown."</blockquote><br />
<br />
The final speech of Timtamaria, Queen of the [[Clarinetophone]], as she eats an unknown fruit seem to suggest that it is a Banana, and that bananas must never be eaten two in a row.<br />
<br />
==Incomplete List of Works==<br />
Any list of Mister Shakespeare's works must necessarily be incomplete due to the fact that he has not finished absorbing the works of others into his moist and porous pseudopods. Nevertheless, here is a rough list.<br />
<br />
===Stage Plays===<br />
====Tragedies====<br />
*Sanitation Mate<br />
*The Riddle of the Noise<br />
*Child of Fist<br />
*Long Wedding<br />
*Hamlet Man<br />
*The Precipice King's Missteps in Reverse Order<br />
*Chocolate Subinfeudation Part 1<br />
*Chocolate Subinfeudation Part 2<br />
*Chocolate Ryan<br />
*If a Lizard Got Giant and Attacked Us<br />
<br />
====Histories====<br />
*The Invention of the Clock<br />
*The Spartans and their Laws<br />
*White People<br />
*Black People<br />
*The King's Speech<br />
*The Queen (of England)<br />
*A King Dying<br />
*A Cheating King<br />
*The King's Grandfather<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 1<br />
*Josh Brolin part 2<br />
*Josh Brolin part 3<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 4<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 5<br />
*The Goonies<br />
====Comedies====<br />
*Love in a Forest<br />
*Sex hunger<br />
*The Magic Transvestite<br />
*I ignore Everything She Says and Win<br />
*Too Drunk To Dance<br />
*The Virginity Sword<br />
*the Nimble Rapist in Narrowsville<br />
*Pussy Shark<br />
===Tapestries===<br />
====Song Tapesties====<br />
*Strandies<br />
*Weave-erly<br />
====Scream Tapesties====<br />
*Rotario Part 1 the 4th<br />
*Rotario Part 1 the 1st<br />
*Rotatio part 1 the 2nd<br />
*Rotatio Part 1 the 3rd<br />
*Rotario Part 2 the 1st<br />
*Rotario part 2 the Husband<br />
===Bibles===<br />
*The Bible of the Egg<br />
*The Shark: Never Stop Moving and other Tips for Not stopping moving<br />
*Twimp: The Story of How Everything is Just So<br />
*The Cabuticle</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=443Khafebz2013-06-04T19:13:46Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* O to be a bundle of crumbs */</p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[Blow, ye winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to Be a Bundle of Crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br><br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br><br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br><br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br><br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br><br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br><br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br><br><br />
<br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br><br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br><br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br><br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br><br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br><br />
Apace.<br><br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Blow_ye_winds&diff=442Blow ye winds2013-06-04T19:13:17Z<p>Kalgaathu: Redirected page to Blow, ye winds</p>
<hr />
<div>#REDIRECT [[Blow, ye winds]]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=441Khafebz2013-06-04T19:12:35Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[Blow, ye winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to be a bundle of crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br><br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br><br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br><br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br><br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br><br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br><br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br><br><br />
<br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br><br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br><br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br><br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br><br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br><br />
Apace.<br><br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=440Khafebz2013-06-04T19:11:50Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[blow ye winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to be a bundle of crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br><br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br><br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br><br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br><br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br><br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br><br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br><br><br />
<br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br><br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br><br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br><br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br><br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br><br />
Apace.<br><br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=439Khafebz2013-06-04T19:10:55Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* the text */</p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[Blow Ye Winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to be a bundle of crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br><br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br><br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br><br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br><br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br><br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br><br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br><br><br />
<br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br><br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br><br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br><br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br><br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br><br />
Apace.<br><br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=438Khafebz2013-06-04T19:10:40Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* the text */</p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[Blow Ye Winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to be a bundle of crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br><br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br><br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br><br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br><br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br><br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br><br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br><br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br><br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br><br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br><br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br><br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br><br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br><br />
Apace.<br><br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Khafebz&diff=437Khafebz2013-06-04T19:09:39Z<p>Kalgaathu: Created page with "Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the Centrilium. His most celebrated work is Blow Ye Winds, but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or..."</p>
<hr />
<div>Khafebs is a Eurovisian poet from the [[Centrilium]]. His most celebrated work is [[Blow Ye Winds]], but is also known for a number of dust sonnets and crumb odes, both on or about dust/crumbs, but also written and performed by hurling crumbs and dust at the eyes of a lamb/child.<br />
<br />
==O to be a bundle of crumbs==<br />
A great exemplar was discovered in the ruins of [[Shin Shivim Vameriot]] by [[Scholardi]]. Scholardi at first mistook the poem for a little heap of dust. It wasn't until he took it home and threw it into the eyes of a child that he realized what he had discovered.<br />
<br />
===the text===<br />
<br />
O to be a bundle of crumbs, <br />
A crumbdiliad of breadpoints, <br />
Pinnaclized pastements tipping pointed through the dimensions<br />
Emerging but momentarily as motes, all aplentied in their company, <br />
Mesmerescent hypnotons, particulads in congress<br />
That roundhold bywith the meatments confluesce, my loving flesh castle, <br />
And at keepsummit, the method betweenst the we-hungry solitoid, <br />
In isolary lonliment, unbreadly, and crumbling into vacant gravels.<br />
O, to be a bundle of crumbs, <br />
Your load of love deburdened in my slice-debris, my sourdough deteriorati<br />
Within flapcase, hegemon of my dispersings, gaoler of my strew,<br />
And that loaf-keeper must you.<br />
O unbaled wad be-bowelled in hope’s lewd guts, <br />
I proceed to you, me walky a-tending by leans and gait to your browless face. <br />
Apace.<br />
<br />
<br />
- Translation by Scholardi III</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mister_Shakespeare&diff=435Mister Shakespeare2013-04-25T18:21:06Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Two bananas rule */</p>
<hr />
<div>Author of many plays and hyper-metadramas, such as the one you are acting in right now, portraying the character "reader of Wiki." You were cast years before you were born, and were fertilized and gestated for this specific purpose. Celebrate the mystery that is Mister Shakespeare with me, by calling 1-532-238-3429 ext. 39 and saying "it's always a good time for Mystery on 106.4 FM!"<br />
<br />
==Critical Analysis==<br />
Mister Shakespeare took a lot of time when writing or absorbing his work to ask and answer very key questoins to the discourse of his age. One question that crops up again and again is "What if a lizard got giant and attacked us?" Which seemed to occupy most of the last 80 years of his brief 90 year life. <br />
<br />
His works follow a strict "5 Hellos" model of Drama popularized first by [[Tree Man]], the greatest Dramatist immediately preceding Mister Shakespeare.<br />
<br />
===5 Hellos===<br />
====Hello 1====<br />
Either<br />
*hello<br />
*hello there<br />
*hello-t'meet you<br />
====Hello 2====<br />
choosing 2, but not 3 of the following choices<br />
*Heldebaran<br />
*Hellodyoudo?<br />
*Hey<br />
*Oh Hi There<br />
====Hello 3====<br />
Any one of <br />
*Heldalibur in the Greeting Stone<br />
*Greetarchus of Hellopolis<br />
*Hellopuliaria (contracted by the character)<br />
*Grey Faded Rags formed not out of cloth but of words, upon first meeting somone<br />
*The sound of wires<br />
====Hello 4====<br />
All of<br />
*Habyagan<br />
*Haldo<br />
*Apterian's Subtle Wilderness Howdy<br />
*(whispered) Heyvya'do there?<br />
====Hello 5====<br />
*Hellyalater<br />
*Helbye!<br />
*Greet to meet you, gottallo!<br />
*May the rivers converge to forge a torrid stream, engendering life in the loam.<br />
<br />
This is how plays are written, my friend.<br />
<br />
==Authorship Controversy==<br />
Mister Shakespeare's works were originally not written by him, but were later transposed onto his person by the Ghost of Christmas Platinum collection: Gold Edition after learning that the true meaning of Christmas was fading in and out of sync with reality and being, for a time, transparent to terrified onlookers.<br />
<br />
Since that time, all works attributed to Mister Shakespeare become written by him retroactively through a process of faith and expressive but violent mimes. <br />
<br />
==Two bananas rule==<br />
The [[Two Bananas|two bananas]] rule, proclaimed by [[Lord Byron]] from his dark spire of [[Thingolion]], may have been first discovered by Mister Shakespeare in his [[Shrieking Tapestry]] "Rotario Part 1 the 4th." Scholardi points to lines such as <br />
<blockquote> "And yet thy lips are dangle-flaps<br> <br />
trapping lads of fruitmeat, independent<br><br />
flesh-robes hiding toothcarls, the bone cohort<br><br />
that through hostility can break the back<br><br />
of Banyananas beige, flutey fruitpods,<br><br />
bishopfingers. But now where hast thou piped,<br><br />
longyellow, whither thou Banyananas?<br><br />
Solitary gut guest, occupantal <br><br />
mashed habitant, mateless, to wander down<br><br />
and alone in oceans galling to drown."</blockquote><br />
<br />
The final speech of Timtamaria, Queen of the [[Clarinetophone]], as she eats an unknown fruit seem to suggest that it is a Banana, and that bananas must never be eaten two in a row.<br />
<br />
==Incomplete List of Works==<br />
Any list of Mister Shakespeare's works must necessarily be incomplete due to the fact that he has not finished absorbing the works of others into his moist and porous pseudopods. Nevertheless, here is a rough list.<br />
<br />
===Stage Plays===<br />
====Tragedies====<br />
*Sanitation Mate<br />
*The Riddle of the Noise<br />
*Child of Fist<br />
*Long Wedding<br />
*Hamlet Man<br />
*The Precipice King's Missteps in Reverse Order<br />
*Chocolate Subinfeudation Part 1<br />
*Chocolate Subinfeudation Part 2<br />
*Chocolate Ryan<br />
*If a Lizard Got Giant and Attacked Us<br />
<br />
====Histories====<br />
*The Invention of the Clock<br />
*The Spartans and their Laws<br />
*White People<br />
*Black People<br />
*The King's Speech<br />
*The Queen (of England)<br />
*A King Dying<br />
*A Cheating King<br />
*The King's Grandfather<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 1<br />
*Josh Brolin part 2<br />
*Josh Brolin part 3<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 4<br />
*Josh Brolin Part 5<br />
*The Goonies<br />
====Comedies====<br />
*Love in a Forest<br />
*Sex hunger<br />
*The Magic Transvestite<br />
*I ignore Everything She Says and Win<br />
*Too Drunk To Dance<br />
*The Virginity Sword<br />
*the Nimble Rapist in Narrowsville<br />
*Pussy Shark<br />
===Tapestries===<br />
====Song Tapesties====<br />
*Strandies<br />
*Weave-erly<br />
====Scream Tapesties====<br />
*Rotario Part 1 the 4th<br />
*Rotario Part 1 the 1st<br />
*Rotatio part 1 the 2nd<br />
*Rotatio Part 1 the 3rd<br />
*Rotario Part 2 the 1st<br />
*Rotario part 2 the Husband<br />
===Bibles===<br />
*The Bible of the Egg<br />
*The Shark: Never Stop Moving and other Tips for Not stopping moving<br />
*Twimp: The Story of How Everything is Just So<br />
*The Cabuticle</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mott_Romney&diff=434Mott Romney2012-05-18T19:35:46Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Mott.png|400px|thumb|right]]<br />
Mott Romney is Repubicans Candidate for [[autarch]] of the [[United American States]]. He weighs in on the issues using his formal spelvarian training. He is loyal, conditioned by the [[Archons]]. Recently inducted into the [[Titanium Brotherhood]], he is a devout worshipper of [[Wasir|Osiris]]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mott_Romney&diff=433Mott Romney2012-05-18T19:35:36Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image: Mott.png|400px|thumb|left]]<br />
Mott Romney is Repubicans Candidate for [[autarch]] of the [[United American States]]. He weighs in on the issues using his formal spelvarian training. He is loyal, conditioned by the [[Archons]]. Recently inducted into the [[Titanium Brotherhood]], he is a devout worshipper of [[Wasir|Osiris]]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=File:Mott.png&diff=432File:Mott.png2012-05-18T19:34:06Z<p>Kalgaathu: uploaded a new version of &quot;File:Mott.png&quot;: For Today, our Future Tomorrow, to Mott: U.A.S. Autarch</p>
<hr />
<div>Mott Romney - UAS for Tomorrow our Future.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=File:Mott.png&diff=431File:Mott.png2012-05-18T19:32:09Z<p>Kalgaathu: Mott Romney - UAS for Tomorrow our Future.</p>
<hr />
<div>Mott Romney - UAS for Tomorrow our Future.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mott_Romney&diff=430Mott Romney2012-05-18T19:31:18Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>Mott Romney is Repubicans Candidate for [[autarch]] of the [[United American States]]. He weighs in on the issues using his formal spelvarian training. He is loyal, conditioned by the [[Archons]]. Recently inducted into the [[Titanium Brotherhood]], he is a devout worshipper of [[Wasir|Osiris]]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Mott_Romney&diff=429Mott Romney2012-05-18T19:31:06Z<p>Kalgaathu: Created page with "Mott Romney is Repubicans Candidate for autarch of the United American States. He weighs in on the issues using his formal spelvarian training. He is loyal, conditioned ..."</p>
<hr />
<div>Mott Romney is Repubicans Candidate for [[autarch]] of the [[United American States]]. He weighs in on the issues using his formal spelvarian training. He is loyal, conditioned by the [[Archons]]. Recently inducted into the [[Titanium Brotherhood]], he is a devout worshipper of [[Wasir|Osiris]</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Conversatiation&diff=428Conversatiation2012-05-08T17:12:22Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>Conversatiation is the point during a conversation at which point you feel completely satisfied and can happily walk away without any regrets or residue.</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=427Talk:Main Page2012-01-05T19:18:03Z<p>Kalgaathu: Blanked the page</p>
<hr />
<div></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=426Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T15:24:23Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Promulgation */</p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Promulgation==<br />
SS2K was promulgated during the edict fires of the famous 1980s. As a result of this, rove proclamatory particles continue to circulate and he is thus continually reconstituted under his original provisos, which leads to a nomadic birthday. His birthday has migrated forward repeatedly for many decades, meaning that he is never more than a few years old, despite his possession of a 30 micron bronze piano, the privilege of those over the [[Age of Prospect]]. <br />
<br />
It is feared that if the loamy soils in which birthdays moult and divest themselves of their jagged eggs becomes depleted of nutritional moments and vitamin tapas, then his birthday may migrate back towards its original promulgation, leading to a [[ragaphone]] effect. In layman's horns, (the tooting of horns)* <br />
<br />
*(Transcribed)<br />
he will rapidly grow older, until he is much older than he is, a paradox that would be intolerable to Jalushnak, last of the Chrominids, potentially signalling the advent of [[Grand Clown Death]]<br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, durng one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there / it's impossible to miss, / and once you know it's gone, / it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=425Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T15:23:18Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Prehensile Lifespan */</p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Promulgation==<br />
SS2K was promulgated during the edict fires of the famous 1980s. As a result of this, rove proclamatory particles continue to circulate and he is thus continually reconstituted under his original provisos, which leads to a nomadic birthday. His birthday has migrated forward repeatedly for many decades, meaning that he is never more than a few years old, despite his possession of a 30 micron bronze piano, the privilege of those over the [[Age of Prospect]]. <br />
<br />
It is feared that if the loamy soils in which birthdays moult and divest themselves of their jagged eggs, that his birthday may migrate back towards its original promulgation, leading to a [[ragaphone]] effect. In layman's horns, (the tooting of horns)* <br />
<br />
*(Transcribed)<br />
he will rapidly grow older, until he is much older than he is, a paradox that would be intolerable to Jalushnak, last of the Chrominids, potentially signalling the advent of [[Grand Clown Death]]<br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, durng one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there / it's impossible to miss, / and once you know it's gone, / it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=424Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T02:53:15Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Famous Quotations */</p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Promulgation==<br />
SS2K was promulgated during the edict fires of the famous 1980s. As a result of this, rove proclamatory particles continue to circulate and he is thus continually reconstituted under his original provisos, which leads to a nomadic birthday. His birthday has migrated forward repeatedly for many decades, meaning that he is never more than a few years old, despite his possession of a 30 micron bronze piano, the privilege of those over the [[Age of Prospect]]. <br />
<br />
It is feared that if the loamy soils in which birthdays moult and divest themselves of their jagged eggs, that his birthday may migrate back towards its original promulgation, leading to a [[ragaphone]] effect. In layman's horns, (the tooting of horns)* <br />
<br />
*(Transcribed)<br />
he will rapidly grow older, until he is much older than he is, a paradox that would be intolerable to Jalushnak, last of the Chrominids, potentially signalling the advent of [[Grand Clown Death]]<br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, doing one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there / it's impossible to miss, / and once you know it's gone, / it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=423Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T02:50:30Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Promulgation */</p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Promulgation==<br />
SS2K was promulgated during the edict fires of the famous 1980s. As a result of this, rove proclamatory particles continue to circulate and he is thus continually reconstituted under his original provisos, which leads to a nomadic birthday. His birthday has migrated forward repeatedly for many decades, meaning that he is never more than a few years old, despite his possession of a 30 micron bronze piano, the privilege of those over the [[Age of Prospect]]. <br />
<br />
It is feared that if the loamy soils in which birthdays moult and divest themselves of their jagged eggs, that his birthday may migrate back towards its original promulgation, leading to a [[ragaphone]] effect. In layman's horns, (the tooting of horns)* <br />
<br />
*(Transcribed)<br />
he will rapidly grow older, until he is much older than he is, a paradox that would be intolerable to Jalushnak, last of the Chrominids, potentially signalling the advent of [[Grand Clown Death]]<br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, doing one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there it's impossible to miss, and once you know it's gone, it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=422Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T02:38:15Z<p>Kalgaathu: </p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Promulgation==<br />
SS2K was promulgated during the edict fires of the famous 1980s. As a result of this, rove proclamatory particles continue to circulate and he this continually reconstituted under his original provisos, which leads to a nomadic birthday. His birthday has migrated forward repeatedly for many decades, meaning that he is never more than a few years old, despite his possession of a 30 micron bronze piano, the privilege of those over the [[Age of Prospect]]. <br />
<br />
It is feared that if the loamy soils in which birthdays moult and divest themselves of their jagged eggs, that his birthday may migrate back towards its original promulgation, leading to a [[ragaphone]] effect. In layman's horns, (the tooting of horns)* <br />
<br />
*(Transcribed)<br />
he will rapidly grow older, until he is much older than he is, a paradox that would be intolerable to Jalushnak, last of the Chrominids, potentially signalling the advent of [[Grand Clown Death]]<br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, doing one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there it's impossible to miss, and once you know it's gone, it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Super-Shakespeare_2000&diff=421Super-Shakespeare 20002011-11-10T02:30:16Z<p>Kalgaathu: Created page with "In the time-mood of the Tall Earth, Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the Lime-Follower's 12 Smooth Originals. ==Prehensile Lifespan== When ..."</p>
<hr />
<div>In the time-mood of the [[Tall Earth]], Super-Shakespeare 2000 is the greatest poet remaining of the [[Lime-Follower]]'s 12 [[Smooth Originals]]. <br />
<br />
==Prehensile Lifespan==<br />
When Super-Shakespeare 2000's lifespan is graphed against the date of his birth, the plotted line that emerges is not bound to the page, but infact, has the capacity to reflex itself, becoming able to grasp pencils and other carbon-shafts to alter its own data set. This was foretold by [[Jalushnak]] The Time-Man outside of his house. When Jalushnak returned to the inside portion of his house, he no longer foretold this, but peri-told it. That is, he told of events near or around that occurrance, and in doing so, lit the final shire-bright of the [[Man Thousand]]'s winter Chrone Observatory. This is also something which Jalushnak frytold, doing one of his notable lapses into the bacon-gazer's daze.<br />
<br />
==Famous Quotations==<br />
<br />
"The only thing sadder than saying goodbye / are bananas hung from a tacky old tie."<br />
<br />
"Once you know his glass body is there it's impossible to miss, and once you know it's gone, it's impossible to kiss."<br />
<br />
"when the loon's haunting call is heard on the placid lagoon, <br />
she fades like mist into into the octagonal moon"<br />
<br />
- Supershakespeare 2000, Day-Wife, Moon-Blade, Canto Micro-3</div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=420Clarinetophone2011-10-28T17:42:26Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Sound */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianistro Contractors. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
likewise, the Clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. infact, the sounds heard come out of the owner's face, and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another, utterly dissimilar Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=419Clarinetophone2011-10-28T17:40:57Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* Sound */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianistro Contractors. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
likewise, the Clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. infact, the sounds heard come out of the owner's face, and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another Canada, where grapes were all there was to eat, and where TVs were miniscule. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Clarinetophone&diff=418Clarinetophone2011-10-28T17:39:33Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* The player */</p>
<hr />
<div>"Toot Toot!" - Chovonga, Loudest Man of the 1935ths 10 naps in a row.<br />
<br />
The clarinetophone is a musical instrument in the [[bleef]] family known to inhabit the [[bystander dimension]]. Occasionally, the clarinetphone will enter our realm and begin to play its haunting bleefnotes, or occasionally, beef-tones, edible meat sounds considered to be "real" by "everyone."<br />
[[Image:Clarinetophone.jpg|thumb|right|Tehootay, Tehootay, a player on display]]<br />
<br />
==The player==<br />
The clarinetophone race understands that humanity is unaccustomed to seeing instruments play themselves. For instance, the [[player piano]] always has a [[comfort boy]] or "brass bastard" sitting in front of it, so people can feel confident that humanity will never again sail away on the [[dictator-ship]] and shop in the [[distaster-shop]] of the Pianistro Contractors. <br />
<br />
[[Image:Player_piano.jpg|thumb|right|Comfort my sideheads, o boy of brass]]<br />
<br />
likewise, the Clarinetophone projects an owner that appears to be playing it. infact, the sounds heard come out of the owner's face, and not the clarinetophone at all. <br />
<br />
The 'player' is created either by holographic projection, or by inflating a man shaped scrotum. The player appears to be playing the clarinetophone from its single-reeded penis pipe.<br />
<br />
==Sound==<br />
The clarinetophone's distinctive sound has been described as sounding like a map, but if the map were of another Canada. It has also been described as sounding like a clay kite, flying in a cloud of yam-juice, on a world hot enough for yam-juice vapour to exist. Alternately, it has been called 'not a flute' by the Obvioso of [[Clap Hell]].<br />
<br />
==mentions in poop culture==<br />
Robert Fecardian has used the clarinetophone as a metaphor for a poop that excretes a man in order to feel loved, and then the man flushes it in great irony. <br />
<br />
==Mentions in pop culture==<br />
Scholardi points out that the nursery rhyme "[[The rhyme of the voluntary castration of Sam McBanes]]" includes the most commonly quoted reference to the instrument. <br />
<blockquote><br />
Tehootay, Tehootay<br><br />
The 'inetophone returns today,<br><br />
just hear that bleef discreetly play<br><br />
Teehotay, Teehotay</blockquote></div>Kalgaathuhttp://churchofinternet.com/w/index.php?title=Three-fold_Ship&diff=417Three-fold Ship2011-10-28T17:37:34Z<p>Kalgaathu: /* The teaching */</p>
<hr />
<div>The Three-Fold Ship is a metaphor. A metaphor is a kind of "mind picture" which is used to relate one thing to another thing. And that has never been more the case than the case here now.<br />
<br />
==Origins==<br />
The Three-Fold Ship, or the [[Larquanus]], was first described by [[Leptherio]], the Dinoesident of the [[Udino States of Dinmericadino]]. [[Robery Joyman]]'s character, Leptherio, when reunited with the handles of Tabrush after the [[trials of the slanted branch]], revealed to his followers the truth of the end of life itself.<br />
<br />
==background==<br />
Before the threefold ship was explained, there had been a great debate among the followers of Leptherio. THe question remained unanswered as to what happened to a dinosaur, or for that matter, a man reading about dinosaurs, when he/she/it died. One group believed that the body disintigrated releasing a bright white lamb into the forest, that was then herded by a Grultch, a large wingless bird with a large winged smile, or "flyle" (because it flies). Another school held that after death, you lived underground, upsidedown, so that you stood on the ceiling, and the sky was beneath you. Of course, from your perspective, you were standing on the ground and the sky was above you, but you somehow knew you were wrong and were left with an eternally unpleasant sensation that even though you sensed one reality, everything was just slightly different. Unable to feel at ease, you lost some weight from worry, and people generally told you looked pretty good. And yet another school held that when you died, you should try to take as many people with you as possible. It wasn't really a theory of an afterlife, but it was a good theory none the less, and attracted many enthusiastic followers.<br />
<br />
==The teaching==<br />
When Leptherio returned from the trials of the slanted branch, he had already reunited himself with the handles of Tabrush. The handles now were quite well lubed, and they slid pleasantly over the upturned faces of the children who gleefully soaked in the oils he dribbled from his [[slank]]. He stood upon a [[Buick Skylark]] and addressed his followers, telling them how he had been, and where he had been and things of that nature. Then he told them that he had been given a revelation, through practicing [[thinkonomics]], the mental mind science. <br />
<br />
"After death, there is a three-fold ship that takes us to the afterlife. The first ship carries the man. The next ship carries the mind. And the final ship carries the yams. For he who is dead should be mourned, but should he not also be considered a great posessor of yams? Take solace in the vast barge full of yams of varying sizes, grouped into bundles and stored in crates, stacked 5 crates high. This is the afterlife, not a destination, but a journey, on a ship. Your mind doesn't go on the same ship as you, because it's tired of you and your friends. It goes on its own ship. is that not meet? It is meet that the mind should have a ship, but not meet that the ship should be better or larger than the body's ship. The mind's ship is pretty small, to be honest. It's sort of rounder too, and doesn't have as many flags and poles. The third ship, as I started, is the best one, it's the one that has all those delicious yams. You can basically NEVER eat all those yams. A friend of mine died when I was a child. I was playing in a thicket and a coiled [[Raspivont]] snaped out and bit him on his hind legs. After a great and painful agony, he passed into the death realm. IF he had an average of 10 yams a minute, 24 hours a day for the past 48 years, he would have eaten 252,453,888 yams. Trust me, that wouldn't even make a dent. Maybe if he could eat that many in one day, then sure, by now, you might notice a TINY dent in those yams. But from what I've been told, they actually restock the yam ship whenever the threefold ship stops to let you off so you can see some old statues or waterfalls and things. Actually, the first ship, the ship with the body in it, it's not that big. The mind ship is tiny. The yam ship is really the main ship. It may be, actually, that when yams die, they go to the yam ship, and then we go along to keep the yams company. Maybe ... maybe we shouldn't eat the yams. Okay, I'm done."<br />
<br />
==Analysis==<br />
Actually he basically got it spot on. There's more to it than that, obviously. For one thing, its not a metaphor at all, but should be taken literally.<br />
<br />
<br />
==Historical Perspective==<br />
This was the last speech that Leptherio made before his famous [[10 Speeches on Yams]], including the most prominent first speech [[Maybe don't eat from the Yam barge]]. Historians frequently try to make the connection between the content of the speech above and the later speeches, but historians are made of organs and fibrous tissues, suspended from brittle calcium endo-structures. They eat food and turn it into energy. Historians are just people like us. They are cave dwellers, like us.</div>Kalgaathu