Sagan's Laws

From Sarberiankh
Jump to: navigation, search

Carl Sagan was famous as both an Astronophont and a Minimizer of Laws. His excellent ability to sum up the nature of reality into discreet packets of lexacographic blurts was renowned. The following laws comprise the entire corpus of his laws.

Laws of Cleanliness

  • 1. No one shall ever defecate a graffitoid onto the public or pubic space
  • 2. No one shall ever defecate, ever again
  • 3. No one shall, by not defecating, allow defecation to occur.

Note: this leads to the Sagan Fecal paradox, where if someone's defecation can be stopped by defecating, you are obligated to defecate but yo uare obligated by the higher order injunction against defecating ever again. The result is a poop plop.

Laws of Broth

  • 1. No broth shall, through action or inaction, be a broth for long.
  • 3. No broth shall, through parsnip or no parsnip, be a broth in the fridge for more than 2 Metric Whiles.
  • 50. No broth shall, through existence or non-existence, beat the New York Mets in the world series in under 7 games.

Laws of Crouching

  • 1. No one shall, through crouching, grow taller
  • 2. No one shall, through growing taller, come to be crouching
  • 3. No one shall, through crouching, come to respect the tenacity of an enemy, or enemies, for not crouching.
  • 4. No one shall, through not crouching, crouch in reverse to incrouch a crouch through the deltepiant revision

Laws of Grammar

  • 1. Grammar shall never be used to defile the temple of the Un-declined Noun
  • 2. Grammar shall be, unless conflicting with the fist law, always be used to defile the temple of the Un-delcined Noun
  • 3. Grammar shall never not have been having to have had be used in concatenations of tenses for comedic effect.
  • 4. Grammar shall not be used or be not used or not used be by Lloyds of London to defend the Vault of Tarvarian from Reebok.

Laws of the Flimsy Tarps